big fat fabulous greek wedding

dude(s). it’s been Too Long.

so i sent a link to this domain to a more or less complete stranger the other day, and this of course led to me taking an extended wander through the archives, wondering what kind of impression all the years of nonsense and detritus and random observations could possibly give of me. what i found surprised me: a lot of nonsense and detritus, sure, but some touching moments as well, and some reminders of things i’ve forgotten to think about for a long time.

mainly, especially looking further back, i was reminded that i didn’t used to think i had to have something Important to say. i wonder when that changed, and why. i mean, if i’m going to have a vanity corner on this here magickal interweb, then fuck it, i should be able to say whatever strikes my fancy, right? and not wait for blinding flashes of inspiration or similar.

so it occurs to me that i might write a little something. and it just so happens that i have recently attended a Big Fat Fabulous Greek Wedding.

i haven’t been to that many weddings, but i’ve been to a fair few. and (boys and girls, you will please forgive what i’m about to say) because most of my friends are men, i’ve often had an awkward little moment, just before embracing and congratulating the happy couple, of godihopeshe’sgoodenoughforyou. not this time.

the groom, granted, is the one i know better, but the bride is equally spectacular. and the way they worked together – the generosity with their time (and sleep schedules) and planning and logistics and putting together a weekend where we could all actually spend quality time with them – was unprecedented. and then there’s the day itself, which they designed with their own four talented and loving hands…

the ceremony took place outside a tiny tiny church on a tiny tiny island in the harbour at vathy, ithaka. the priest was a madman who told jokes about jesus and spoke exactly zero words of english. the crowd was a broad mix of miscreants and tearful family and the rice throwing was apparently a good deal less brutal than it might have been. someday i will get around to posting the photos.

the party afterward was epic. usually at these things, you get passable food in a fairly nice venue, and lowest-common-denominator music, and the booze sort of holds it all together until someone falls over on the dance floor and everyone else (probably suddenly envisioning themselves in the same boat) more or less spontaneously disbands. but this time, the music was a brilliant mix of coolness and cheese, the food was delicious, the setting (in an olive grove, next to the beach, under a million and one stars) was idyllic, and the dancing was…honestly, i’ve never seen better dancing, on the whole, at a wedding. i’ve only rarely seen better dancing anywhere. at some point, an unspoken critical mass point was reached and we all swapped our nice togs for swimming gear and jumped into the water to cool off under the crazy canopy of stars. until we heard a track we liked, at which point we would clamber dripping back to the dance floor to shake it some more. the night ended, after the last goodbyes, with a small group watching the sunrise from 20 meters out. i was floating in the bay until the sun came up over the hills.

it was great to see everyone – language barrier notwithstanding – including those whom i used to see every day in london. we have a fabulous week of swimming, boating, boozing, breaking of toes, bizarrely bad mosquito bites, and lots and lots of love. it was great. it was easy. it was the way things are supposed to be, maybe. and it was all because of k & m.

so, if you’re reading this: thanks, guys. from the bottom of my heart.

new year, new decade, new life

[n.b.: due to broadband FAIL, this post has been backdated.]

all change, please

so it’s 2010, and i’ve lost all sense of time. in the past 2 months, time has been so elastic that i can’t tell whether it’s flown by or gone on for years; yesterday felt like it was 2 days long (ok, maybe it kind of was – see below). and now it’s a new start: newly single, new city, new flat, new friends, new outlook, new year, new decade. it’s been a while since i’ve made this big a change – arguably i’ve never had quite this much change all at once – and it’s exciting and daunting and hopeful and heart-rending. i haven’t yet had an oh-fuck-what-am-i-doing moment, but every so often i feel totally overwhelmed, and it’s sometimes even hard to pinpoint why. i suppose this is normal. this is normal, right?

best. nye. ever.

in keeping with the over-the-topness of this year(‘s end), i have had the most memorable new year’s (silvester, here) celebration in a very long time. last month, my friend mika suggested we do a sauna to ring in the year. i thought this was a genius idea – sweat out the old, drink in the new. so yesterday afternoon we (well, mostly he but i did show up for some of it) built his temp° sauna in the hinterhof. after some dinner at mine, we fired it up and were inside by about 11:30.

the sauna masterpre-blingificationbling sauna

at midnight, for those of you who’ve never been in berlin at new year’s eve, the whole city goes completely batshit crazy. everyone’s out on the streets with bottles of champagne, buckets of fireworks and a serious party attitude. the area around the wasserturm in prenzlauer berg is one of the focal points, and mika lives about 50 metres from it. so at 23:55, we donned bathrobes and flipflops, grabbed a bottle of bubbly and wandered out into the street.

on the street

it was uproariously fun to be out there in the snow in basically no clothes. and we were apparently every bit as interesting as the fireworks to quite a lot of people – one couple came over and insisted on having their picture taken with us; about a dozen people wished us happy new year; pretty much everyone in a 20 metre radius pointed and stared. i think there’s a lot of pics out there of us in our bathrobes. this is not something i would have thought i’d be ok with, but strangely i am. after about 1/2 hour, we got cold, so back into the sauna we went.

an hour or so later, the neighbours started to arrive. by the time i left, there were 6 of us in there sweating away, occasionally ducking out for a fistful of snow and a swig of polish fruit schnapps. i came home and slept better than i have all week. i woke up feeling refreshed and ready, which is pretty much the best i could have hoped for.

rock.

tom and me at christmastime

I still can’t understand why people think Tom Waits is so depressing. I think there’s no kind of bad you can feel that Tom can’t make you feel better. If you’ve hit rock bottom, he knows what it’s like. If you’re hovering just above the floor, he’s seen worse. If you just need a good cry, or a good laugh, or a really vivid description of that terrible pie, he’s your man. And if anyone’s ever understood hope, it’s him. He’s fearless and honest and growly and just like life in his own way.

It’s just a bit past Christmas, and in the spirit of Tom, l’ll risk it.

what is life but themes and variations
sometimes it takes years to find the melody
but it’s the unexpected beauty
of another shade of truth
that always moves me

forward is the only direction
i can travel in comfortably
and acceleration trumps brakes anyday
sometimes a bit of rocket fuel is all i need

these momentary connections
take on such unexpected gravity
of lightness
they keep me on my path
hold my hand as i giantstep
into the future i am meant for

i find as i grow older
there’s so much i carry that buoys me up
snapshots and anvils
they form the constellations of my life
though we may never touch again

the three sisters on orion’s belt
are separated by millenia of millenia
but they hold his trousers up
just the same.

20 dec 09

an unusual christmas

When I was growing up, my family lived in many different places. My mother, being the charming and fabulous creature she is, took upon herself the role of hostess/mother/sister/friend to all of my parents’ friends and colleagues, many of whom were frequently far from their homes and families. Once we settled down a bit, the open-door tradition continued, particularly during the holiday season. We always hosted ‘orphans” holidays – if you were far from home, or had no family, or didn’t get along with them, or were without a place to celebrate for any reason, you were welcome at ours. There was always great food and plenty of wine and bonhomie to go around.

Sometime in the mid-90s, I took over this tradition and began hosting Christmas myself. Sometimes there were only 4 of us around the table; sometimes there were 14. But it was always festive, and stress-free, and fun and comfortable and everything else that holidays should be. Friends, after all, are the family we choose.

Which makes this year a little weird for me. This year is only the second in at least 13 years that Christmas has not been celebrated at my place. No Thanksgiving, either. The only other non-Christmas was the one I spent in Thailand, where Christmas Eve dinner was served to me and my companion in a large bed in an odd place called Bed Bar or somesuch. This year, much of my life is still in boxes and I have no refrigerator, which makes the concept of dinner prep a bit more of a challenge than I’m prepared to deal with. So naturally, it hasn’t really felt like Christmas in the way it usually does.

However.

I have been saying lately, “It may not be an easy life, but it’s a charmed one.” This is bearing itself out once again, as invitations come out of the woodwork from friends all across Europe and the States, offering everything from raucous partying to Scroogey boycotting. I spent last night at a proper Family Christmas, complete with 3 generations and overexcited 3 year olds. Tonight, we’re doing it up urban style, with childhood comfort foods in a friend’s kitchen. I even got presents, though I didn’t get round to buying any (a combination of ridiculous procrastination and nasty cold).

I am extraordinarily touched by all of this, particularly the most local invites. What with all the change and challenges in my life at the moment, it’s very nice indeed to find that I have touchstones here, too, in my newly adopted home.

So, to all who invited me and SMSed me and wished me well, I thank you. And to those I won’t see, I miss you. And to those I haven’t seen in way too long, forgive me. And come round next year. There’s plenty of room.

matti the fairy princess

so i told matti that i’d make him a halloween costume this year. i did not get around to making him a halloween costume, about which i feel bad not only because i promised and then reneged, but also because it would be so absolutely perfect for him. so, when he asked what i’d had in mind, i put together a little spec for him. don’t you hope he wears it? i do.

17 again

In 1988, in France, I met this girl Tracey who was from Richfield, Ohio. She really loved this band called the Pixies. Apparently a member was from near where she’d grown up. We got to be friends and I grew to respect her musical tastes. In 1989, back in the States, I went to visit her in Cleveland. We went to see the Pixies at a little hole in the wall in the Flats (then a hopeful wasteland along the bit of the river that had caught fire not so many years before) called Peabody’s Down Under. I remember nervously proffering my ridiculously fake ID at the door and getting in anyway. I remember being ejected from the corner table by the family of the band. I remember how, when they started playing, the music hit me like a fist to the sternum. I can’t remember which song I liked best, but I can remember the night as clearly as if it were last year. The record they were touring on was Doolittle.

Tonight, at the Brixton Academy, we saw the Pixies on the 20th anniversary Doolittle tour. About 3 songs in, the music hit me like a fist to the sternum, and 20 years peeled away. I was 17 again, and 37, suspended between the me that was and the me that is on a lush and chaotic line of guitar and Frank’s primal scream.

I don’t think there’s any other guitar line in the world that makes me as reliably happy as the opening riff of Here Comes Your Man. I always expect to be transported and transformed by music, but it’s rare for any gig to be as cathartic as this one was. I knew every note and most of the more comprehensible words, but I heard them with ears that have 20 extra years on them. I heard the shimmery guitar on the B-side version of Wave of Mutilation and it felt like sunset. I heard the crowd singing a 2-part harmony on key. Yeah, I saw them in the 90s, and I saw them in 2004 (twice? three times? whatever). But I still can’t say enough about that bubble between past and present that exists when I’m in the presence of something that truly moved me, transformed me, made a bit of what I am today.

Thanks, Frank and Kim, Joey and David. See you next time.

no news is not good news

One of the most controversial, as well as compelling, stories of the past year or two has been accelerating again of late: the death of the newspaper/the evolution or revolution of the news industry. A colleague recently sent me a link to the Economist’s take on the topic, which is predictably well thought out. But it’s focussed in the same general place that all the articles are, and it’s a place that’s really only half the problem. The question at the forefront of everybody’s mind seems to be, ‘How can the news industry evolve to keep pace with technology and and an increasingly demanding audience?’ It’s a fair question, no doubt, but I think there’s another one that’s equally important: how can the news industry demonstrate its relevance to a young audience before they grow up and render the industry obsolete? In that Economist article, there’s a quote that illustrates the problem I’m seeing:

Technology has enabled well-informed people to become even better informed but has not broadened the audience for news. The Pew Centre’s most alarming finding, for anybody who works in the trade, is that the share of 18- to 24-year-olds who got no news at all the previous day has risen from 25% to 34% in the past ten years.

…So, by extension, a significant (and growing) segment of young people see no reason to keep up with the news. Socially, this could lead to all other kinds of even scarier stuff – a generation that doesn’t participate in government; an uninformed majority who have little or no ability to contextualise world events. What’s worse: a beleaguered news media struggling to remain commercially viable, or a marginalised news media struggling to attract an audience of any kind?

The quality of news has long been of interest to me, and it’s a regular topic of conversation amongst my circle of friends. We mostly agree that over the past few years, there’s been a real decline in the quality of reporting in London newspapers. A few of us (well, 2 that I know of, including myself) think the only papers that are still consistently worth reading are the New York Times and the Financial Times. This isn’t because we are aligning ourselves with any particular culture or ideology, but because the quality of these papers’ editing and writing is dependable, and they regularly bring us interesting stories that we would not have known to seek out. Online, we also consult a broad array of other sources, including broadcasters, major newspapers and individual blogs from all over the world – the beauty of the internet is that it can provide a broader context for a story, and a more complete picture, through the sheer volume and diversity of people writing about it. But bloggers are no substitute for traditional news sources, nor should they be seen that way. Bloggers are under no ethical obligation to report the truth as objectively as possible; that’s the opposite of the point. Bloggers are great commentators, and commentary is important, but commentary isn’t the news.

But I digress. Back to my point. Because I’m a big-picture kind of a girl, I’m also interested in the relationships between the quality/quantity/accessibility of news and larger social/sociological trends. This is the level on which it’s really scary that the appetite for news is dwindling. I bring up the London papers because I think they show what an increasing number of people do have an appetite for, in lieu of news: salacious celebrity gossip, endless photos of who’s wearing what, and doing what, and drinking what, with whom, and where and when; inflammatory headlines that often misrepresent the body of the story; lazy and wildly inaccurate reporting; the salaries and home values of private citizens who appear in stories, when that information is in no way relevant; political kneejerking and panicmongering without the substance of the law, cabals and motivations behind it. This is what makes the papers, because this is what sells the papers. Which means that this is what most people want to read. One recent exception is the (mostly) excellent coverage of the British Parliament’s expenses debacle, which The Man and I cynically joked is because it’s exactly the kind of story tabloids love. It’s got it all: money, deception, criminal activity, cruel injustice, and public figures behaving scandalously badly. How could it not be great?

But seriously, I don’t want to paint a picture that all is lost here. There is good reporting, there really is – and there are news outlets that care a great deal about their public responsibility as well as their bottom line. I just can’t help but think that it’s getting rarer.

So what about these young people who don’t read any kind of news at all. Why don’t they? I think this is an interesting area for the industry to focus a bit – particularly publicly funded players like the BBC. Thinking back to when I was in my teens, not many of my friends read the paper. Those who did, did so because their parents (usually Dad) made it part of their daily routine. At first, this was seen as a chore; in time it became ingrained. By the time they left to go to University and out into the world, these were the people who didn’t feel right if they didn’t get their daily news fix. I was not one of them.

I was interested in things long past (I considered studying Archaeology or Anthropology, and Indiana Jones was my idol when I was 8), or arcane questions (like the roots of the similarities of folkloric and mythological tales across totally disparate cultures), or things I saw as non-news-related (languages, how they work, who speaks them, how and why), and I was interested in the Arts. None of these things led me naturally to a newspaper. It wasn’t until I started digging in to History and Anthropology at University, seeing the connectedness of events and trends across great temporal and geographical distances, that I started seeking out the news for more information. Once I started, I found it addictive – and I particularly appreciated journalists who referenced the background history of the events on which they were reporting, so that I could further investigate and seek out relationships if I wanted to.

What I’m trying to say, in a pretty long-winded way (but hey, it’s my blog and I can ramble if I want to), is that the news doesn’t necessarily appear automatically relevant to young people – it requires context and discussion, a connection to their personal lives and interests. That connection used to come from families and from education – if our educational system isn’t up to that level anymore, and if families are passing on a lack of interest instead, then something has to fill the gap, and I think there are news institutions who are well equipped to do so. For example, the BBC has a remit to address everyone in Britain with their products and services, and a few years ago they appointed a head of Teen stuff (I can’t remember the job title offhand) – surely this is one of the challenges they should be tackling. There’s no shortage of stories in the UK at the moment that are relevant to young people, even to people under 18. Just one example: the government is launching a database that holds detailed information about every child in the UK, to be kept until the child turns 18. Ostensibly, this is to keep children safe, but 390,000 people will have access to this database and the UK government’s track record for data security is questionable at best. There has been the kind of sh*tstorm one would expect around the whole endeavour, too – it’s been in and out of the news for ages. So how do kids feel about this? I don’t know. I’m not sure anyone does. I’m not sure most kids even know about this. Don’t you think they should? I do.

And once these kids turn 18, what happens to the data? None of the articles I’ve read are clear about that. Do the records simply get deleted? Doubtful. Surely, young people have an interest in knowing the answers to these questions. There are many other examples of stories that have direct relevance to teenagers and young professionals – suggestions for new taxes and legislation on various foods and beverages; taxes and surcharges on travel of all kinds; a crumbling healthcare system (surely relevant to young women thinking about having children) and a welfare system that’s way too easy to abuse (surely also of interest to young people who don’t earn much and pay a lot in taxes)… even a DNA database containing genetic information on UK citizens, including those who have never been charged with any crime (!). These stories have direct relevance to everyone in the country, regardless of age. The news reports on these things so that the people can respond to them – but if people don’t read the news, they won’t respond. The habit of personal newsgathering needs to be supported and nurtured in order for a new generation of audiences to grow, and thus it’s something the news industry should take a real interest in.

News has got its work cut out for it in the next few years, and I agree with the Economist that it is likely to emerge as a very different kind of beast. But I think the question isn’t just about technology and commercial success – or rather, both of these things contribute to a third thing that’s far more vital: perceived value. Interest. Demand. If the news industry doesn’t start addressing this underlying factor, their success or failure in selecting and applying technologies won’t matter much at all.

bits of fluff found under the sofa cushions

I was going through my unpublished posts and found two openers that seem to merit further development. But since I’m lazy, I’ll just share what’s there now, and probably never go any further.

Exhibit A
:: another ridiculous idea ::
Original date: 28 December 2003
I really need to open a store called Disco Pants ‘n’ Haircuts. But what would I sell?

Exhibit B
:: the night i never met arthur miller, starring hans olo ::
Original date: 20 September 2004
[this one had no text at all, but such an intriguing title…]

more excuses

I just noticed that clicking anything comments-related threw up an error, so I pulled the commenting functionality. This is what I get for trying to resurrect a blog using templates that were already outdated 2 years ago when I pulled the damned thing down. Now I’ve gotta retool it all. Sigh…

UPDATE:

So I got the comments working but the stylesheets are out of sync. I’ll get there eventually… at least now you can ridicule me publicly and not just via email. Every little bit helps, eh?