what do you want for christmas, little girl?

Who knew that the local Jewel/Osco was so full of fabulous gift ideas? Yesterday afternoon, I was staggered by the sheer volume of fantastic merchandise, and will therefore take this opportunity to share with you some of my most coveted items:

I’m not entirely sure what this is, but the name is so evocative, so lyrical… I just gotta have some.

What well-appointed bathroom could be complete without the creepy monkey loofah? A must-have for every fashionable household…

I love a good game of cards as much as the next person, but don’t you find the regular decks so, well, bland? A good dose of pink will brighten up any game of Texas Hold ‘Em, and how better than with the queen of all things rosy, Ms. Barbie herself?

And while we’re on the whole poker party subject, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked on those nights: “Weeza, this is great, but where are the appletinis?” Well, friends, armed with the fabulous stocking of DeKuypers worst poison yummiest elixirs, I’ll be able to whip one up, pronto.

Finally, it’s always so difficult to choose a wall calendar that truly expresses one’s persona. I was tempted initially by the Care Bears calendar down at the Osco, but when I saw this one at my local FedEx drop point, I knew I’d found what I was looking for. Baby animals, posed and terrified-looking – it just doesn’t get a whole lot better than this, folks.

So I don’t want to hear any guff this year about how hard I am to shop for. Capisce?