The suspected kidnapping victims went missing sometime between the hours of one and three on Wednesday afternoon, according to Bob Fowler, Accounting Associate at Jesser and Farber in downtown Chicago. “I saw them both at lunch, but when I looked for them at snack-time they were gone,” Fowler told authorities early in the evening. The victims are both about five inches in height and three in diameter. Distinguishing marks include matching day-glo orange price tags marked $1.59. Any and all information regarding this case should be forwarded to the Chicago Police non-emergency hotline.
Little did they know that the ‘suspected kidnapping victims’ had simply tired of their meaningless corporate existence and eloped. I spotted them around 7 p.m., at the corner of Monroe and Wacker. Half-eaten but far from beaten, they waited patiently for the bus.
