As some of you have heard, Davezilla and I have been working on some tools to help you in your mating-and-dating life. We figured sometimes the sexes don’t communicate quite as well as they should. So herewith, we present a little something for the ladies. [The gentlemen’s counterpart can be found here.]
Part Two: Men’s Glossary
Conceived and written by Davezilla
Whatever
- So? I can’t do anything about it
- You’re boring as Hell.
- Shut up, the Man Show is on!
Fine
- Yeah umm… I can’t think of anything to say in this situation.
- Yes, your hideous little sister can go to the movies with us. But she pays her own way.
- I’m going to drink out of every single container in the kitchen when you’re asleep and leave some backwash.
What do you want to do?
- I’m going to sleep through it anyway.
- We’re only seeing that stupid musical if it has some tits.
- I don’t care. Your friend is tagging along and she bends over a lot.
Is that what you’re wearing?
- I thought you had the ability to discern our Earth colors.
- I see. It conveniently hides your stretch marks.
- Great. I’m dating a Potato Bug with heels.
I’m happy as long as you are
- I have beer.
- The new issue of Tail Ends came in today.
- I can see your nipples through that shirt.
How’s your mother?
- Isn’t she dead yet, and why not?
- I ate cheap, Mexican food today. I’m going to sit next to her.
- If you turn into that Velociraptor when you’re her age, I’ll have you put down. Not a court in the land would dare convict me.
Let’s just be friends
- Your best friend has a nicer rack.
- You are so lame in bed, I thought I was committing necrophilia.
- You’re… a girl?
I love you
- You’re sensitive, caring, beautiful and don’t fuck with my tools.
- I like thongs. You wear thongs. And that’s a good, good thing.
- You’re the first chick who didn’t slap me when I tried that. Cool.