WTF?
In 1999, after a couple of years fiddling with that blogging thing on various other people's domains, I thought I had enough things to say to merit my very own corner of this here interweb. In 2007, I suddenly ran out of ammo. Thankfully, that didn't last forever... So, I'm back. Still not dead yet. Like a phoenix from the ashes. Behold.
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December 26, 2009
:: tom and me at christmastime ::
I still can't understand why people think Tom Waits is so depressing. I think there's no kind of bad you can feel that Tom can't make you feel better. If you've hit rock bottom, he knows what it's like. If you're hovering just above the floor, he's seen worse. If you just need a good cry, or a good laugh, or a really vivid description of that terrible pie, he's your man. And if anyone's ever understood hope, it's him. He's fearless and honest and growly and just like life in his own way.
It's just a bit past Christmas, and in the spirit of Tom, l'll risk it.
what is life but themes and variations
sometimes it takes years to find the melody
but it's the unexpected beauty
of another shade of truth
that always moves me
forward is the only direction
i can travel in comfortably
and acceleration trumps brakes anyday
sometimes a bit of rocket fuel is all i need
these momentary connections
take on such unexpected gravity
of lightness
they keep me on my path
hold my hand as i giantstep
into the future i am meant for
i find as i grow older
there's so much i carry that buoys me up
snapshots and anvils
they form the constellations of my life
though we may never touch again
the three sisters on orion's belt
are separated by millenia of millenia
but they hold his trousers up
just the same.
20 dec 09
December 25, 2009
:: an unusual christmas ::
When I was growing up, my family lived in many different places. My mother, being the charming and fabulous creature she is, took upon herself the role of hostess/mother/sister/friend to all of my parents' friends and colleagues, many of whom were frequently far from their homes and families. Once we settled down a bit, the open-door tradition continued, particularly during the holiday season. We always hosted 'orphans'' holidays - if you were far from home, or had no family, or didn't get along with them, or were without a place to celebrate for any reason, you were welcome at ours. There was always great food and plenty of wine and bonhomie to go around.
Sometime in the mid-90s, I took over this tradition and began hosting Christmas myself. Sometimes there were only 4 of us around the table; sometimes there were 14. But it was always festive, and stress-free, and fun and comfortable and everything else that holidays should be. Friends, after all, are the family we choose.
Which makes this year a little weird for me. This year is only the second in at least 13 years that Christmas has not been celebrated at my place. No Thanksgiving, either. The only other non-Christmas was the one I spent in Thailand, where Christmas Eve dinner was served to me and my companion in a large bed in an odd place called Bed Bar or somesuch. This year, much of my life is still in boxes and I have no refrigerator, which makes the concept of dinner prep a bit more of a challenge than I'm prepared to deal with. So naturally, it hasn't really felt like Christmas in the way it usually does.
However.
I have been saying lately, "It may not be an easy life, but it's a charmed one." This is bearing itself out once again, as invitations come out of the woodwork from friends all across Europe and the States, offering everything from raucous partying to Scroogey boycotting. I spent last night at a proper Family Christmas, complete with 3 generations and overexcited 3 year olds. Tonight, we're doing it up urban style, with childhood comfort foods in a friend's kitchen. I even got presents, though I didn't get round to buying any (a combination of ridiculous procrastination and nasty cold).
I am extraordinarily touched by all of this, particularly the most local invites. What with all the change and challenges in my life at the moment, it's very nice indeed to find that I have touchstones here, too, in my newly adopted home.
So, to all who invited me and SMSed me and wished me well, I thank you. And to those I won't see, I miss you. And to those I haven't seen in way too long, forgive me. And come round next year. There's plenty of room.